Quicksand
I’ve been thinking a lot about place and how it can be so important to some people and others can just live where they are and get on with things. I am not one of the latter and it probably seems ridiculous to anyone who knows me that I ever thought I was. I’ve got to keep moving.
I do have big ideas about having a small plot of land on which to grow food without chemicals and whatever other crap we dice with when we shop at supermarkets. And I’d also love to have a house just so that I could have somewhere suitable to cook and to work. I love reading things by 21 year olds who say they are free by living a location independent lifestyle without owning anything and travelling indefinitely, because I thought that too, when I was 21. But, I can tell you that after a few decades of travel you kind of want more than a kitchen space the size of a small chopping board to encourage you to prep real food rather than subsist on takeaways. And anyway, I like food. I write about it.
But, back to place. If I had this house and land, where would it be? For years I thought it would be New Zealand. And, I do like New Zealand, don’t get me wrong. But it is very hard to live here. The houses are full of damp and work is hard to come by. Unhealthy and stressful. Because I spent my childhood moving round the United States, sometimes I think, well maybe I could just go there. I do have family there. Houses are cheap now if you can get work to pay the mortgage and the general cost of living is low. But it’s not that easy, mentally. To go back, I mean. And what about Japan? I love it there, but life can also be difficult not to mention the fact that borne of my own experience is a fear of earthquakes (And, yes, I recognise how ridiculously fortunate I am to get to choose based on this fear). My beloved Thailand? Malaysia? India? Somewhere in Europe? No, I doubt that.
So, to someone like me who has never felt rooted to the ground, it seems like I could just keep looking for that mythical land where things are perfect, well… better. But, do I just keep looking forever? And, even so, the idea of committing to one place for.ev.er. is just scary as hell. I don’t think it’s going to matter where it is. I guess if I could find a good place that also provided enough income for me to keep travelling, maybe…just maybe, I could be content with being tethered to a mortgage.
Where am I going with all this? Dunno. I’m just feeling fed up with the rain leaking into my house and clearing damp off the walls and not being able to utilise the wasted space in my house because it is rented. It’s just a great big, get it off my chest, gripe, I guess. I want to do something. Something.
Hi Marie – I can totally identify with this restless feeling. I think travelling and moving and setting up home can be addictive too – it’s hard to stop this lifestyle once you start, don’t you think?! Hope you find some inspiration soon on what to do next!
Hi Liz,
Oh definitely I can imagine you identify with this! Do you feel finished? I don’t think I’ll ever feel like that. Maybe it is different if you own a house, since it’s like your own space. I think I could get addicted to having my own space as well…well, maybe not as much as exploring new countries. Who knows?!
I think (for me) ideally, you have a place you can hang your hat, but enough money to get up and away from it when you want. And you like your hat-hanging place. I wish you the clarity to figure it all out for you and your family, and know you will! I can almost guarantee I’ll come visit!
Wherever we are, you know it will be great if you come and visit:) It’s the “enough money to get up and away” that we don’t have. That is why it is so frustrating to live in NZ. It’s really expensive and wages and salaries are low. I guess it’s the nature of a small economy that means there are few jobs in any one field and lots of people trying to get them, so there is no need to pay any better.
With MAs, experience, publications, etc, we would be paid fairly well in say, the US (maybe not during the recession), but here we are paid the same as people who have just started teaching and compete with those people for the same jobs. If a job comes up that puts us ahead of those people, then there are so many people applying that it is rarely possible to even get an interview. Admittedly, part of it is thinking that if you did everything right as far as education and the hard yards, you would be rewarded. And I know it is not just us who has experienced this feeling. I’m just telling my story.